What to Do When Life’s Not Fair

If you’ve ever watched children playing together, I’m sure you’d agree that it can be so simplistically fun! The giggling, smiling faces, and innocent chatter all takes you back to the simple days of when you were a kid. When there was not a care in the world; when everything was happy…

“That’s Not Fair!”

Suddenly you’re snapped back into reality as the children break into a series of fits and tears. One of the children has taken the ball when it wasn’t his turn. Or one little girl won’t share the baby doll with the other little girls. Whatever the case, the atmosphere has changed. These kid’s minds and emotions are now stuck in the land of “That’s not fair!”

Getting Unstuck

Every one of us has at some point or another had a “That’s not fair!” experience:

• Maybe you were hurt in a relationship.
• Maybe you were passed up for that promotion that everyone knows you deserved.
• Maybe your parents neglected you as you were growing up.
• Maybe you were discriminated against because of your race.
• Maybe you received a negative report from the doctor.
• Maybe you have been picked on because of your weight.

On top of that, I’ve noticed that some people become “stuck” in these experiences. It’s very possible that an unfair event can be put your life on hold if you don’t get over the hurdle of pain and disappointment that it leaves.

If you find yourself stuck in the land of “That’s not fair!” I want to share some tips that can get you moving onward and upward.

Just Let it Go

As much as we want life to be fair all the time, we can’t be so naïve as to think that only good things will happen. Life on this earth is full of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Good and bad things happen to us all.

You may have a right to be hurt or offended by your “That’s not fair!” experience, but where will that eventually get you?   Don’t waste your energy dwelling on the past – things that cannot be changed. Save your energy to make positive change for the future.

I am not minimizing what may have happened to you. Some events may leave a scar on your heart forever. However, you are the only one who can decide how this will shape your life. Will you allow it to make you bitter – or better?

Extract Good Out of the Bad

Regardless of what unfair event has happened to you, look for the good you can extract from it.

My good friend Rose and I were talking the other day about a myriad of subjects. We were discussing everything from how women have to deal with the burden of shaving our legs - to my three separate battles with breast cancer. I revealed to Rose, “All the hair on my body grew back after those last chemotherapy treatments, except for the hair on my legs. I don’t have to shave my legs anymore! What a great outcome of the cancer!”

I’ll admit that’s kind of a silly example, but here’s the point: You must make a conscious effort to find the good in your situation. Did that experience made you stronger? Has it caused you to be more sensitive to others who are going through the same thing? Did it teach you lessons that you otherwise would not have learned?

 Look for the good in your “That’s not fair!” situation, and you will see your attitude change dramatically.

Get Connected Spiritually

Without that spiritual connection, it’s easy to feel like you’re just a random dot on the map with no meaning or purpose. In order to get past the hurdles of hurts and pains, it is critical to realize that they are all part of your ultimate purpose and plan.

Let’s take a diamond as an example. A diamond is formed from deep within the earth, alone and in darkness. After years and years of intense heat and pressure, this lump of coal endures its experience to become an incredibly valuable stone.

God sees you as a diamond in the rough. He wants to take those negative experiences in your life to turn you into a better, stronger, wiser, more loving person. Every event in your life is allowed so that you can be shaped into the person you need to be in order to achieve your ultimate purpose destiny.

The Bible says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)