The Power of True Forgiveness

Article written by Michele A. Towers

Have you ever had someone say or do something hurtful to you? I certainly have.

Recently, I realized I was holding on to anger toward a client who falsely accused me of not looking out for her best interest. To be honest, I was furious. I had been working so hard on her behalf. How could she possibly believe that?

There are times in life that can leave us feeling hurt or offended. Relationships aren’t always easy, and it’s natural to harbor hard feelings toward others. But when we choose to dwell on those feelings, they can quickly harden into unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness is a mental and emotional state where we cling to negative feelings toward another person. Living in unforgiveness can be a slippery slope. It leads to stress, damages our relationship with God, and can even affect our physical health.

Forgiveness is a cornerstone of the Christian faith. In fact, it was so important to Jesus that when the disciples asked how to pray, He said:

“But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
 — Matthew 6:15 (NLT)

As followers of Christ, forgiving others isn’t optional—it’s a command. And true forgiveness goes beyond simply saying, “I forgive you.” God calls us to release every trace of resentment and to treat the person as though we were never wronged. That’s not always easy to do.

So what’s the secret to true forgiveness? The Apostle Paul gives us the answer:

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”
 — Ephesians 4:31–32 (NLT)

The key to truly forgiving someone is to forgive as Christ forgave us. Jesus gave His life so that we could be forgiven. To forgive like Him, we must also be willing to die to ourselves.

Paul reminded us of this when he wrote:

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
 — Galatians 2:20 (NKJV)

When we bring our pain before God, here’s a simple process that can lead to true forgiveness:

• Recognize that God loves that person.
• Ask Jesus to show you what He sees when He looks at them, but be prepared. He will show you His heart and love for them.
• Ask the Lord what that person needs, and listen.
• Pray for that person, asking God to meet their needs.

When I took my situation with my “ungrateful” client to Jesus, He reminded me that she had experienced great loss and pain over the past few years. He showed me that she had simply lashed out in frustration and brokenness. Then He asked me to pray for her, that her heart would heal and that she would experience His peace.

In that moment, a heaviness lifted off me. Then I heard Jesus whisper, “If you continue to pray in this way, your heart will change toward her, and you will come to love her just as I do.” True forgiveness is freeing—not so much for the other person, but for us. It opens the door to a deeper peace and joy—the kind that King Jesus longs for us to experience.