When Life's Not Fair
If you’ve ever watched children playing together, you know how simple and joyful it can be—the giggles, the bright smiles, the carefree innocence. It’s enough to take you back to childhood, to a time when life felt light and happy.
Then suddenly, you hear it:
“That’s not fair!”
Reality snaps back into place as tears and frustration take over. Maybe one child took the ball when it wasn’t their turn, or another refuses to share a toy. Just like that, the atmosphere shifts, and their little minds get stuck in the land of “That’s not fair!”
At some point, every one of us has had a “That’s not fair!” moment:
- Maybe you were passed up for a promotion you deserved.
- Maybe your parents neglected you growing up.
- Maybe you faced discrimination because of your race.
- Maybe you received a devastating diagnosis.
Life is full of injustices. And while unfair experiences are painful, the real challenge comes when they keep us stuck—when the hurt and disappointment take hold and stop us from moving forward.
If you feel stuck in “That’s not fair!” thinking, here are a few ways to break free and move forward.
Just Let It Go
As much as we want life to be fair, the reality is that we live in a world of highs and lows, joys and challenges. Good and bad things happen to everyone.
You may have every right to feel hurt or offended by what happened to you, but the question is: Where will that get you? Holding on to past wounds doesn’t change them—it only drains your energy and steals your peace.
This doesn’t mean ignoring or minimizing your pain. Some experiences leave permanent marks on our hearts. But ultimately, you decide how those moments shape your life. Will they make you bitter—or better?
Find the Good in the Bad
No matter what unfair situation you’ve faced, there is always something good to be found in it—if you choose to look for it.
A dear friend of mine, Rose, and I were chatting about life’s ups and downs. We covered everything from the burden of shaving our legs to my three separate battles with breast cancer. In the middle of our conversation, I told her, “After my last round of chemo, all my hair grew back—except for the hair on my legs! Now I don’t have to shave them anymore. That’s one great thing that came from cancer!”
I know that’s a silly example, but here’s the point: Finding the good in a tough situation requires a conscious effort.
- Did your experience make you stronger?
- Did it deepen your compassion for others going through the same thing?
- Did it teach you a lesson you wouldn’t have learned otherwise?
Pierre de Coubertin once said: "The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not to win but to take part, just as the most important thing in life is not the triumph but the struggle. The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well."
Shifting your focus to finding the good and seeing your own growth can completely change your outlook.
Get Connected Spiritually
Without a spiritual foundation, it’s easy to feel like life is just a series of random events with no meaning. But when you connect with God, you begin to see that even life’s struggles have purpose.
Think of a diamond. It starts as a rough, dark piece of coal, buried deep in the earth. Over time, it endures intense heat and pressure—transforming into something incredibly valuable.
God sees you as a diamond in the making. He uses the difficult moments in your life to shape you into a stronger, wiser, more loving person. Every challenge, every injustice, every “That’s not fair!” moment is part of a bigger picture—one that leads you closer to your ultimate purpose.
The Bible reminds us: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)
